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A Poem Featuring the /t/ Sound

TIPPIE KANOO AND TYLER, TOO

Tippie Kanoo and Tyler, too,
Took a train trip to Timbuktu.
Tracks and trestles and tunnels, too,
Took the two tourists to Timbuktu.

Tippie Kanoo and Tyler, too,
Took tireless tours of Timbuktu.
These tourists two, two tourists true,
Toured Timbuktu through and through.

Tippie Kanoo and Tyler, too,
Took turquoise trucks in Timbuktu,
Two turquoise trucks that took the two to
The tea-totaling town of Teefertoo.

Tippie Kanoo and Tyler, too,
Took a tram tour of Teefertoo.
The two took tea at ten till two,
Then took in the tigers at Teefertoo zoo.

Tippie Kanoo and Tyler, too,
Tried tuxes at tailors in Teefertoo.
They tried on ten turbans and two ties, too,
In time to toddles to Tallyho-roo.

Tippie Kanoo and Tyler, too,
Took two taxis in Tallyho-roo.
The two taxis took them in tandem to
The toe-tapping town of Tootlydoo.

Tippie Kanoo and Tyler, too,
Tooted trombones in Tootlydo.
They tootled a tune on a tuba for two,
Took turns on timpanies, tambourines, too.

Tippie Kanoo and Tyler, too,
Traveled to Tunis and Turkey, too.
To talk to Tartars in tight tu-tus,
Tutoring Tudors with turtle tattoos.

Tippie Kanoo and Tyler, too,
Took a tramp trawler to tour Toorku.
They tasted taboule, they tried tofu,
They treated themselves to truffles, too.

Tippie Kanoo and Tyler, too,
Two travelers tired of traveling to
Tunis and Turkey and Timbuktu,
Turned toward home, ta-ta, toodle-oo.

Copyright © 2016 Reading Friend

  • November 30th, 2016
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A Poem Featuring the /b/ Sound

BUSYBODY BEARS

Billy Bob Bear, a butterball bear,
Ballooned and busted his britches.
Billy Bob binged on bon bons and brownies,
And buffets brimming with blintzes.

Barnaby Bear, a bakery bear,
Found baking but buns to be blah.
Barnaby begged to bake something but buns.
Now Barnaby bakes baklava.

Beauregard Bear, a bowling-ball bear,
Bowled balls at Bert’s Bowl-a-Rama.
Beauregard brought a bowling bonanza,
To Birmingham, Alabama.

Bigelow Bear, a bookwormish bear,
Bought books by bartering barley.
Bigelow bartered for books by Browning,
By Byron, Bacon, and Barkley.

Buckalew Bear, a buckaroo bear,
Broke broncs in Butte, Montana.
Buckalew bounced on big bucking broncs,
Bedecked in a bright blue bandana.

Benjamin Bear, a bean-bagging bear,
Bagged beans at a bean-bag boutique.
Ben’s bagging bedazzled baboons and boars,
And big birds with billowing beaks.

Bobbaloo Bear, a bombastic bear,
Boarded a boat for Bahama.
Bobaloo bored other bears on the boat,
By boasting of being top banana.

Bakery bears and buckaroo bears,
Bartering bears, to boot.
Bowling and boating and bean-bagging bears,
From Birmingham ‘Bama to Butte.

Copyright © 2016 Reading Friend

  • November 29th, 2016
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A Poem Featuring the /k/ Sound

KATY KATOO

Katy Katoo and Katy’s cat Koko
Cast off from Cape Kitchekoo.
Kings and Queens from Karfu to Cairo
Called out to Katy Katoo.

Katy Katoo and Katy’s cat Koko
Kayaked to Katmandu.
Katy kayaked while Koko catnapped
As calico cats can do.

Katy and Koko came calling on Cato,
A cousin in Katmandu.
Cato cooked Katy cookies and cocoa,
Cooked Koko a can of cat stew.

Katy and Cato and Katy’s cat Koko
Cameled across Katmandu.
Cato cajoled Katy and Koko
With chords on a kooky kazoo.

Cato’s kazoo caused Katy’s cat Koko
To catcall and go coo-coo.
Katy’s cat Koko clawed cousin Cato,
Causing Cato to cry boo-hoo.

Katy and Cato and Katy’s cat Koko
Came calling on Queen Koolulu.
Cool Queen Koolulu in crown and kimono
Came coiffed in queen curlicues.

Katy and Cato and Katy’s cat Koko
Canoed to Cairo and Karfu.
Cairo’s King Koo-Koo and Karfu’s king Keeko
Catered corn-cakes for the crew.

Katy and Cato and Katy’s cat Koko
Kindly called out kudos.
Then Katy and Cato and Katy’s cat koko
Cruised to Kilamanjaro.

Katy and Cato and Katy’s cat Koko
‘Cross crannies, crooks and cracks,
Climbed the cold crown of Kilamanjaro,
Clad only in khakis and caps.

Koko caught cold on Kilamanjaro,
Causing Koko to cough and kachoo.
Calling collect, Katy called Keeko
For carfare back to Karfu.

Katy ande Cato and Katy’s cat Koko
Caught a keel to Karastan.
Cranky and cross, Katy’s cat Koko
Cried for a catamaran.

Katy and Cato and Katy’s cat Koko
Cruised to Katmandu,
Where Katy Katoo and Katy’s cat Koko
Caught a ketch back to Cape Kitchekoo.

The End

Copyright © 2016, Reading Friend

  • November 25th, 2016
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A Poem Featuring the /w/ Sound

ONE WINDY WEDNESDAY

One windy Wednesday, one winsome weasel
Went walking west of the Wabash,
Where a woeful wolf waited and watched,
Wishing a weasel would wander his way.

While wispy willows west of the Wabash,
Whipped and whispered and whished in the wind,
Worrisome wolf wailed and woofed,
Wishing a weasel would wander his way.

With winged wasps winnowing windward,
With warbling wagtails wallowing, wiggling,
Waggling wolf whined and whimpered,
Wishing a weasel would wander his way.

Well, weasel was wily, weasel was wary,
Weasel was worldly and wayfaring wise.
Weasel would weasel away from the wolf,
Wishing a weasel would wander his way.

With wild winds wafting the weeds in waves,
Weasel waywardly went from the wayworn.
Weasel walked widely away from the wolf,
Wishing a weasel would wand er his way.

Copyright © 2016 Reading Friend

  • November 18th, 2016
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A Poem about Equality from Pigsburg

“Pigs Only, Please”
By William Shakespig

In the hamlet of Pigsburg, there live nothing but swine, and to a few pigs here, that suited them fine.

Some pigs were incensed, you could tell by their frown, because a ewe of all things had moved into town.

Why, a ewe is no pig, a ewe is a sheep, like the ones that were lost by Little Bo Peep.

Ba-Ba Blacksheep was the name on her lease (she was aptly named after her pretty black fleece.)

“She’s not one of us, she’s an outsider,” some pigs whispered as they tried to deride her.

“Let one sheep move in and you’ll soon have a flock. Why, this time next year, they’ll have the whole block.”

So those bad-hearted pigs signed a petition, asking for Ba-Ba’s immediate eviction.

But most of the swine, who were good pigs at heart, felt the case against Ba-Ba was wrong from the start.

Judge Judy Hamoody was the judge who’d preside at the trial to decide where this sheep could reside.

Ba-Ba’s attorney flew in from the coast, the flamboyant and famous Johnnie Porkroast.

“I object, your honor, this case is a joke. Why, all we have here is a pig in a poke.”

Most pigs in the court room cheered their approval; Judge Judy yelled “Order!” and threatend their removal.

“We all have a right, the pigs and the ewes, to live wherever we happen to choose.

With gavel apounding, Judge Judy decreed, “This case is dismissed,” and Ba-Ba was freed.

Most pigs in this burg were proud and elated. Who could blame those pigs if they all celebrated.

They threw a pig feast that was fit for a glutton, with all kinds of food (except pork and mutton).

They danced some pig jigs and sang some ewe songs, and vowed then and there to all get along.

Though Ba-Ba is wooly and the pigs are all hide, they learned what matters most comes from inside.

The End

Copyright © 2016, Reading Friend

  • November 17th, 2016
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A Poem About Self-Esteem from Pigsburg

“Queen Elizapig’s Visit”
By William Shakespig

In the hamlet of Pigsburg, one thing is sure, this snug little burg is quiet and secure.

Nothing much happens, it’s calm and serene, but all that would change with a call from the queen.

Queen Elizapig III announced a royal visit, making some pigs glad and other pigs fidget.

At ten the next morning, the trumpets all sounded. As the queen’s carriage approached, the pigs were dumbfounded.

They bowed and they curtsied, they hodged and they podged, when they laid eyes upon the queen’s entourage.

The queen was bedecked in a royal blue gown, and of course on her head she wore the royal crown.

Next to the queen there walked a pig knight, Sir Frank N. Bacon, whose clothes were too tight.

On the queen’s other side was the Duchess of Pork, who carried with her a knife and a fork.

“I hope there’s a banquet, I’m quite famished now,” the Duchess complained as she dabbed at her brow.

Queen Elizapig called Mayor Hogwash aside, and said something that all the pigs thought was snide.

“You’ll have to excuse the Duchess’ ardor, the poor dear has an eating disorder.

“She can’t get enough peanut butter and jelly, as you can well tell from her royal pork belly.”

Mayor Hogwash himself, a true diplomat, felt very uncomfortable hearing jokes about fat.

“In Pigsburg we try to measure pig worth by the size of the heart instead of the girth.”

Suddenly, Queen Elizapig felt very small, for making fat jokes, all the pigs were appalled.

The pigs were delighted, though somewhat surprised, the queen humbled herself and apologized.

The duchess accepted and to the queen bowed; their gracious behavior won over the crowd.

The pigs shouted hurrahs and gave a big hand; the spat was over, so strike up the band.

John Piglips Sousa’s band marched in on cue, and this royal to-do became a hullabaloo.

At the end of the trip as the pigs waved goodbye, they were sad it was over, there was not a dry eye.

And they’d all learned a lesson, an important one: making jokes about others is not really fun.

The End

Copyright © 2013, MightyBook, Inc.

  • November 16th, 2016
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A Poem About Two Pigs from Pigsburg

“Two Pigs’ Big Adventure”
By William Shakespig

In a quiet hamlet, there lived two pig friends, who toiled at their chores and did odds and ends.

One was named Myrtle, the other was Mable; they worked at the diner waiting on tables.

These industrious pigs would work overtime, thrifty and frugal, they saved every dime.

But Mable confessed one day off the cuff, “I’m working too hard, enough is enough.”

“Why, I feel the same way,” Myrtle confided; so they’d take a vacation, the two pigs decided.

“Let’s go to the beach where we can relax, and lie in the sun with oil on our backs.”

So they went to Myhammy to tan and get toasted, but instead the two pigs nearly got roasted.

They met a sly fox who wooed them with favors, but he secretly craved roasted pig flavors.

He fed them sweet cakes, and they were both flattered, but he was just trying to make them both fatter.

Then he lured the two pigs to his lair for a cookout, but these gullible pigs had both better look out!

Why, they weren’t his guests, they were his meal! And he quickly grabbed them as they started to squeal.

That fox was about to baste them with sauce, when the pigs decided to show him who’s boss.

They grabbed that old meany and spun him around, which made him so dizzy he fell to the ground.

Then they made their escape by hopping a freight and hiding inside a rickety crate.

But the train they were on got stuck on a sidetrack, so they jumped off the train and into a kayak.

It’s a good thing for them that pigs can swim; that kayak was leaking from stern to stem.

Then along came a log, so the pigs climbed aboard, joining a frog who looked very bored.

They floated downstream for hours and hours, till they came to a town with big office towers.

They were happy they’d landed, but oh what a pity, these pigs were now stranded in Gnu Yak City.

Everyone here was shaggy and furry, and they darted about in a terrible hurry.

They all seemed to chase the one in the lead, but not like a race, more like a stampede!

The pace of this place made the pigs dizzy; they started to panic and get in a tizzy.

Gnu Yak was turning those pigs into loonies, so they hopped on a truck that was bound for the boonies.

In the boonies they yodeled and sang a long song, composed by two yokels who both sang along.

The pigs learned to polka and then hokey-pokey; the folks around here were all okey-dokey.

But these pigs were broke and were getting so pooped, they started to droop and their shoulders stooped.

So they caught the next bus, a non-stop express, back home to their hamlet, the place they like best.

Their friends and co-workers all welcomed them back, with smiles and hugs and good-natured cracks.

Now what the pigs learned when they went off to roam: It really is true, “There’s no place like home.”

The End

Copyright © 2016, Reading Friend

  • November 9th, 2016
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A Poem about Pablo Pigasso from Pigsburg

“Pig-ture Perfect”
By William Shakespig

In a hamlet called Pigsburg in Pigsylvania, there lived some swine caught up in pig mania.

Among them an artist named Pablo Pigasso, who painted swine “pig-tures” for a one-pig show.

Pablo painted the brainy Albert Imswine, pondering the universe as he did all the time.

Inspector Sherlock Hams was painted in blue, as he posed by the mantle looking for a clue.

“This painter’s a master,” the critics exclaimed, as they ogled his pictures all perfectly framed.

Not everyone looked on so kindly, though. Not one lady’s portrait was a part of the show.

Gloria Sty-Numb left the museum in a huff. “I’m getting tired of this kind of stuff.”

Diane Sowyore, a leading news anchor, interviewed Pablo with obvious rancor.

“You painted no females, which doesn’t make sense, now all of the sows have taken offense.”

“You seem like a sexist for leaving them out,” she said as she looked him right in the snout.

“I’m not a sexist pig!” Pablo explained. “These false accusations will ruin my name.”

“But I promise you now to do what is right. I’ll paint some more pictures if it takes me all night.”

When the museum opened at ten the next day, all the bad feelings would soon go away.

The pigs all applauded at what they beheld, the portraits of heroines being unveiled.

Pablo had painted the soprano renown, Leontyne Swine in a long flowing gown.

Then Tara Lapigskin, with skates on her feet, performing a sowkow, a gold-medal feat.

And one picture he painted was extra large, it was Joan of Oink leading the charge.

The pigs in the hamlet they aahed and they oohed, and shouted hurrahs to show they approved.

The lesson they learned without any doubt: feelings get hurt when some are left out.

Now, this place is not perfect, certainly not. No one said Pigsburg was Hamelot.

But the pigs in this town, as you might expect, now treat one another with greater respect.

The End

Copyright © 2016, Reading Friend

  • November 7th, 2016
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Of the Pig, by the Pig and for the Pig

PIGSBURG, PIGSYLVANIA

An Animated Cartoon Series
for Children Ages 5 – 11

PIGSBURG, PIGSYLVANIA™
A Fully Animated 2D Cartoon Series
with two 11:00 episodes per 22-minute show

What’s It All About?

Imagine if you were a brainy kid with a pushy older sister and a pesky little brother and all you wanted was to be left alone with your mouse and monitor, and, by the way, you happen to be a pig in a family of pigs in a land of pigs… well, you get an inkling — or should we say “oinkling” — of the belly laughs to come as a bunch of lovable little piggies interact with a zany cast of pigfamous parodies in this comical world called PIGSBURG, PIGSYLVANIA™. It’s one pig adventure after another, sort of like Friends (with snouts) meets The Wonder Years (with grunts) meets The Simpsons (with tails) somewhere in a fully
animated cartoon world where pigs act just like people…or is it the other way around?

The Target Audience

PIGSBURG™ is designed to appeal primarily to children, ages 5 through 11. However, the series will appeal to the entire family due to the plethora of pigfamous characters, puns and parody featured in every episode.

The template for PIGSBURG™ has been designed to achieve long term
viewership and loyalty. As the characters and landscape evolve, the audience will discover all kinds of things about Pigslyvania™ that causes them to ask, “what’s next.” For, you see, while PIGSBURG™ is indeed an enchanted land, the way in which these pigs live will, in the not too distant future, change forever. On the horizon for Pigsylvania™, one of the major issues that comes into play involves the truffle, their greatest natural resource, which is rapidly being depleted. How will these pigs survive without this national treasure? There will also be a discovery made like no other in the history of Pigsylvania™ which will dramatically alter PIGSBURG™ as we now know it.

Also, PIGSBURG™ has been crafted so that, as the series progresses, the arc of the main characters will gradually expose the audience to a pigfamous cast of celebrities with their own distinctive quirks and a very different agenda. There are a select few iconoclastic characters that have been targeted to “break out” on their own at some point in the future. These wacky pigs will appeal to an older audience and yet coexist with the main characters quite nicely.

Program Format

PIGSBURG, PIGSLYLVANIA™ has been designed in a high-energy format that allows for a simple story line to be woven into a series of seemingly unrelated events, involving a host of recurring characters in each episode.

Each episode will be 11:00 in length, and two episodes will be piggybacked into a 22-minute show. The two episodes are totally unrelated in story content, but will be almost identical in format.

Each episode will be broken down into the following modules:

1. 60-second OPENING SEGMENT – Introduction, theme song and story set-up. Every opening segment will feature one of the Celebrity characters in their usual setting doing a short bit that synopsizes the story line. For example, Dianne Sowyore™ and Huge Downer™ might be doing the opening for a “news magazine” show called Pigsburg Today™, and would briefly layout the coming story in the context of a news “in-bump.”

2. Three 3-minute ACTION SEGMENTS of the story unfolding. Each of these seqments will involve all of the main characters to some degree, along with various Minor characters, and occasionally, a Celebrity character. The first Action Segment will identify the characters involved and their role in the story. The second Action Sequence will identify the conflict and its effect on the characters. The third Action Sequence will contain the climax and resolution.

3. Two 30-second CUT-AWAY SEGMENTS sandwiched between the three Action Segments, usually involving Minor characters or Celebrity characters doing a bit or singing a song that may or may not be related to the story, but that parallels the basic theme of the story. For example, we might cut away to a pig on Pigmund Freud’s™ couch, talking about his anxieties that stem directly from the subject of the Action Segments. These segments can lead into commercial breaks for television program use. For home video use, they will simply cut back to the next Action Segment.

4. 30-second CLOSING SEGMENT – Usually will involve Celebrity character(s) doing a comical wrap-up bit or a song.

Music

While PIGSBURG™ is not a “musical” in the technical sense, musical segments will be used extensively throughout the series and will consume roughly 3:30 of each 11:00 segment.

Some of the songs will be parodies of existing songs. For example, the theme song from “Rawhide” (the 1950s Clint Eastwood television series) will be sung as “Hog Tied™,” with comical new lyrics that fit perfectly with the melody. Another song, “My Blue Heaven’” will appear in PIGSBURG™ as the very humorous “My Hog Heaven™.”

However, most of the songs will be original compositions, written to flow smoothly into the dramatic scheme of the script, yet stand alone as memorable songs in their own right.

Cast of characters:

Berkley McSwine™

Geeky on the outside, but a pillar of inner strength, Berkley is a kid who just wants to know what makes things tick, so he spends a lot of time surfing the web looking for answers. He invents an omniscient laptop computer that answers any and all questions, but only for Berkley. It becomes his sidekick and most trusted friend that goes with him everywhere. Berkley dislikes involvement but always gets drawn into situations created by family and friends. Ultimately, he is forced to solve the problem.

Granola McSwine™

Berkley’s older sister, Granola is a retro flower child who acts and talks like she just stepped out of 1968. She is a tree-hugger who champions underdog causes and constantly warns of the dangers of technology and bad karma. She espouses free thought but is impatient with people who don’t agree with her. She writes poetry and quotes Shakespig™. She has seen the Movie Romiehog and Juliepig™ more than a dozen times, partly because it stars Gywnneth Pigtrough™ and Tom Shanks™, her favorite movie stars. Her “thing” is the freedom movement which began with the publication of A Farewell to Farms, by Ernest Hamaway™, her favorite author.

Squealer McSwine™

Filled with mischief and a sense of wonder, this devilish “terrible-twos” little brother leads the pigs into one adventure after another. Although still in diapers, he’s a skate boarding whiz who is propelled along by the webbed foot of his pet platypus, Dooly. Berkley and Granola find Squealer a nuisance, but they’re forced to endure his “little-brother” presence. Although Squealer has a very limited vocabulary, he can mimic all sounds, a trait that often helps bail him out of precarious situations.

Dooly™

This wisecracking duckbill platypus is actually Squealer’s guardian angel. Everything he says is a parody of one-liners from Henny Youngman, Rodney Dangerfield or Groucho Marx. He rides on the back of Squealer’s skateboard, providing both balance and impetus for the little guy’s roller coaster ride through the streets of PigsburgTM. His name is short for “thingamadooly” which he is given by the pigs who can’t quite figure what he is. They mistake him for everything from a goose to an otter, which really gets him steamed.

Sarah Snootysnout™

Berkley’s classmate and next door neighbor, Sarah is the very proper social climber who has to be at the front of every line. The only child of Sophie and Skylar Snootysnout, Sarah has inherited her parents’ penchant for being shallow and pretentious. Although she and her family look down their snouts at the McSwine family, Sarah is drawn to the intellect and aloofness of Berkley and is secretly carrying a torch for him. Sporting fiery red, perfectly braided pigtails, Sarah flaunts her status for all to see (including the Kalvin Swein™ clothing she always wears), much to the chagrin of Granola who finds the show of affluence too bourgeois for words.

Schuman Piggly™

Schuman™ is the chubby neighbor kid from the Piggly family across the street. He likes to hang out at the McSwines on the pretext of enjoying computer stuff with Berkley. In reality, he just wants to be close to Granola, on whom he has a huge crush. He loves to read comic books and snack on junk food, both of which totally turn off Granola. He also loves Boar War movies and video games, and is an avid collector of Boar Wars action figures. He is a daydreamer who often “zones out” in a Walter Mitty world of fantasy and make-believe, sometimes taking on the role of Luke Stywalker™ doing battle with the villainous Garth Gator™.

Jean-Claude Cand-Ham™

A petty sneak thief from Boarneo, Jean-Claude makes recurring visits
to Pigsburg™ to do his dirty deeds.

Hammy DeVito™

Jean-Claude’s stumpy, mafioso-talking sidekick who is more bark than bite. He’s even more of a stumble bum than Cand-Ham.

Police Chief Ima Sow™

The first of her gender to be Pigsburg’s top cop and public defender, she is the stereotypical tough cop with a heart of gold.

Chef Wolfgang Pork™

The owner and head chef at the Hog Heaven Diner, he is the “food nazi” who feels he must educate the country-bumpkin pigs on the finer points of haute cuisine.

Pigmund Freud™

Resident pigologist who thinks he knows it all just because he
has a Ph.D from Spamford University™. Still, many pigs end up on his couch.

Albert Imswine™
The brainy but eccentric pig scientist who is forever inventing things that go awry. Imswine™ is Berkley’s hero and mentor.

Inspector Sherlock Hams™
Sniffs out crooks like a bloodhound and eager to capitalize on his reputation, Hams is always on the lookout for a book deal.

Za-Za Ga-boar™

Pigsburg’s super-narcissistic movie star and trend-setter, loves herself more than anybody she knows.

Squeal Armstrong™

The first Pigmonaut™ to set foot on the planet Mud, which was “one small step for pigs and giant step for swine-kind.”

Pablo Pigasso™

He may be a brilliant artist, but his attitude about feminists and women in general doesn’t endear him to the lady pigs hereabouts.

Andy Warthog™

The super eccentric artist who paints pictures of celebrities and commercial products, Andy is always doing something bizarre.

Chopstick™

Stardust’s loyal drummer. Chopstick is a pig of few words, but
he communicates with the rest of the band through Morse code on his drums.

Piggy Stardust™

Pigsburg’s rock ‘n roll phenomenon, Stardust is the chief organizer and main attraction of the Pigapalooza Music Fest™.

Rapper Puffy Snouts™

Pigsburg’s poetic rapper, Puffy got his nickname from his stuffed-up nose. Despite his condition, the piggies love his nasally-sounding music.

Conflict

There’s a running feud between the genteel pigs of Pigsylvania™ and a bunch of bad hogs on the neighboring island of Boarneo™. Although the fuss began generations ago, it still lingers today.

It all started when the Hogit-All™ clan led a rebellion against the ruthless and greedy emperor Napoleon Boneypig™ during what is now called the War of the Truffles™. Napoleon, who loved truffles more than anything in the world, wanted to hog them all for himself. So he made all the other pigs pay their taxes in truffles. What truffles he couldn’t eat, he sold to the traders who came to Pigsylvania™ from far-away lands.

Since truffles are almost as expensive as gold, Napoleon’s pocketbook got fatter and fatter, while all the other pigs in the kingdom were shriveling away to nothing. They took it as long as they could, but something had to be done. So a man named Will Hogit-All™ led an uprising against Napoleon. He rallied all the other pigs behind him, and after several nasty mud fights, finally routed Napoleon and the Boneypig clan at the Battle of Hog Wallow™. During that battle, a lady-pig named Joan from the village of

Oink took up the colors and led the other pigs to victory. Today, Joan of Oink™ is a national hero in Pigsylvania™. Napoleon and the greedy Boneypig™ clan were exiled to Boarneo™, and that’s where their ancestors still live today. Trouble is, Boarneo is an inhospitable little island that’s also inhabited by primitive boars, uncouth wart hogs, a band of bungling pig pirates and other outcasts of more enlightened pig society.

In contrast, the Hogit-All™ clan went on to become the richest and most powerful family in the Kingdom of Pigsylvania™. Its patriarch, Mr. I. Hogit-All™, resides in a mansion on the outskirts of Pigsburg™. He is benevolent when it suits his purpose.

After lo these many years, the feud still festers. The Boneypig™ clan is constantly looking for ways to do evil deeds, not only to the Hogit-All™ clan, but throughout the Kingdom of Pigsylvania™, particularly in the hamlet of Pigsburg™ where the Hogit-Alls reside. While grown-up pigs are wary of the Boneypigs, the piggies and piglets are downright terrified. The stories have been told and retold as scary “campfire” tales over the generations, and the Boneypigs have taken on “bogeymen” status among the piggies. Coming face to face with a Boneypig™ is a little pig’s worst nightmare.

The Environment

Pigsburg™ is a picturesque hamlet nestled in a peaceful valley near the shores of Swine Lake in a magical land called Pigsylvania™. It’s easily recognizable as a place that’s “of the pig, by the pig and for the pig.”

The houses and cottages are an eclectic mix of three little pigs’ sticks, straws and bricks, plus all types of creative junkyard concoctions. Much of the architecture has a definite porcine theme with “pig-headed” buildings in every imaginable motif dominating the landscape. Still other buildings have a “mushroom” motif in honor of Pigsburg’s most famous product, the truffle.

The cars (Pigswagens) and trucks, buses and motorcycles are subtly shaped like stylized pigs. Freeway interchanges use pigtail curlicues instead of cloverleaf designs.

The local radio station is WPIG. The TV station is KHOG. The Hog Heaven Diner™ is the place to dine in Pigsburg™, where Swill Parmesan is the specialty of the house. The Doozy-Snooze Boar-ding House™ is Pigsburg’s five star hotel.

Their favorite haunts include: (1) the Hog & Doz Ice Cream Parlor™ where the piggies hang out, (2) Porky Bean Cafe™ where the intellectuals gather, (3) Vidal Soswine House of Beauty™ and Chinny-Chin-Chin Barber Shop™ where the gossips seem to congregate, (4) the Hog Heaven Diner™ where the gourmets go, (5) Pigendale’s Department Store™, for pigs who love to shop ‘til they drop.

School-age piggies attend the Alexander Hammyton Public School™.
Pre-schoolers go to Wee Pigs Day Care™. Most of the piggies love the movie Boar Wars™, and its heroic characters, Ham Solo™, Luke Stywalker™ and Princess Sooie™. (They loathe the movie’s archvillains, Garth Gator™ and the Barn Troopers™.)

Pigsburg™ prides itself in being the most cultured of all the hamlets in the Kingdom of Pigsylvania™. In fact, a few pigs are downright snooty about it. The pigs here no longer wallow in the mud (except for certain kids who sneak off to the forbidden mud hole for a muddy good time on occasion).

Like the Pig Latin inscription reads on the great seal of Pigsylvania, “Igspay Ulray.”™ Pigs rule. The residents of this quaint little village appear to be as happy as a pig in mud. But this is not “Hamelot.” Trouble is simmering below the surface in this pig paradise. And it always erupts when it’s least expected.

  • November 3rd, 2016
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